The day it all began


It was 1st January 2015, a Happy New Year for some, not so much for me.

 I decided to go Christmas bargain sale shopping with my husband and two children – why not!  Everyone loves a bargain and we needed the fresh air after being stuck inside.

 Off we travelled with not a care in the world and money in our pockets ready to hit the sales.

It did not happen straight away but it became obvious during my hunt for those special buys that something was not quite right.  I became hot one minute, cold the next and felt as though the world was swimming around me.  Just the flu I thought as that was how I would describe it.  It got to a point where our shopping trip had to be abandoned and off home we went for me to crawl into bed and in my mind just hunker down and rest, keep warm and hopefully feel better within a few days. 

That was not to be……I did not get better. 

In the first few months I did not have a clue what was happening to me.  I was in and out of the doctors literally every week but was faced with “I don’t know what is wrong with you”, “it must be a virus”, “hhhmmm I’m not sure” and that was not all I was having to bare. 

I will try to describe the way I was feeling but as the saying goes within the M.E. Community – you can not understand it until you have it. 

It is the aches and pain in your bones from the flu but without a cold.  My head/face felt like it had pins and needles in it constantly.  My breathing was very rapid and I could hardly string two words together.  I was suffering from fatigue like I have never known in my life.  I had heart palpitations and basically lived in bed apart from dragging myself to the doctors.  I could hardly climb the stairs and I could not look after my family or even myself very well. 

To face all of that and then have doctors look at you and say they didn’t have a clue was soul destroying.  I was not making this up!  Why on earth would I?!   

Back and forth I would go to the doctors but I was told to leave it a few more weeks, it must be a virus, it will pass.  Bloods were taken along with routine tests and as is usual with M.E. they all came back normal – that must be good right?  But what the hell was happening to me?  I seriously thought I was dying. 

You cannot begin to imagine the pain and frustration that I was dealing with.  The affect this was having on my nearest and dearest was also obvious to see.  My upset turned to anger and depression hit when I felt no one was listening to me. No one was understanding the level this pain was at, especially the medical profession who weren’t dealing with not being able to do even the simple tasks we all do in every day life. 

After about 3-4 months the GP bandied about the subject of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  I had never heard of this in my life but she did not go any further to explain what that meant.  My husband was left to research this condition to see whether there were any similarities. 

It got to May of 2015 and we were no further forward.  All my symptoms pointed towards Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (which is another word for M.E) but even then I wasn’t being offered any help, advice or medication to help ease the pain.  I have suffered with depression most of my life but have had prescribed medication since 2003.  That was the only thing that was changed.  The GP increased my anti depression medication – as if that was the answer to all of this! 

I felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall – why were they not helping me?  Why weren’t they looking into what was happening?  Why was I left with agonising pain 24/7 with no real answers? 

It was at this time that a family member contacted me.  They had a friend who had M.E. and kindly put me in touch with her. 

This lady was my lifeline and my saviour.  If it hadn’t been for her I really do not know what my future would have held.  She confirmed that everything that I was experiencing was “normal” for people with M.E.  She helped me to understand what was happening to me and even though she lived over one hundred miles away, she reassured me that I was not going mad, this was happening, this was real and my journey had begun into this world of the unknown, under funded, under researched life with M.E. 

That for now is all I can say.  I will continue my blog at another time when my health allows. 

Thankyou for reading so far and I hope you will come back soon to see the next chapter of this journey that I am still on. 

I leave you with Faith, Trust and Pixie Dust x


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